it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize