I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
