the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
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i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
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Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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