Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
