Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
