Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
