saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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