that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
