Kareoke will never be a sober sport
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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