Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
