Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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