I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
