apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
