piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I understand Curling. That high.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize