Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
