it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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