This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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