Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize