why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
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