She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
