How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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