I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
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After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
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It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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