I will die if light touches me.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
