im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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