i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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