Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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