his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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