I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
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Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
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nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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