im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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