i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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