so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
