So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm sobbing to NWA
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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