dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
