my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
