So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
