Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
