tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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