i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize