I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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