I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
