it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
