yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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