I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize