after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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