i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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