Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
