Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
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I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
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It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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