New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
