i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
