i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
