I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
