In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
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Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
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My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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