I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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