Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
