I accidentally had phone sex last night
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
