I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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