if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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