Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
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you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
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You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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