how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
