I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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