my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
false alarm, still single
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