I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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