You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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