No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
