I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
