Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
